Third Annual Fucking Hills Race
Third Annual Fucking Hills Race
2008-02-28 21:36:03 by Andrew Hitchcock G+

Last Sunday was .83's third annual Fucking Hills Race on Bainbridge Island. I met my hobo friends under the Alaskan Way Viaduct at the ungodly hour of 8:45. I registered with Derrickito and got my paramilitary-styled pirate flag made with scraps from OR's dumpster. After registering, I ate the breakfast of champions: half a donut and a swig of vodka. We swarmed the ferry, paid our dues, and lined up to board. We were the first on, but unfortunately the cars disembarked before us.

On the ferry I had a cup of coffee and sausage, egg, and cheese muffin. My heart is still thanking me. I almost got stuck in a swarm of squids while finding .83's seats. Fortunately the spandex allowed me to slip right past. Apparently the Chilly Hilly was scheduled for the same day? Odd. I also ate some stale Clif Shot Blocks for dessert.


We gathered in a pullout after getting off the ferry. Derrick said we couldn't start until we finished a bottle of Evan Williams. Ben the Angry Hippy–owner of said bottle–complained and lifted the requirement. And then we were off! I wore the same outfit as last year: a pair of blue jeans and my Bob Marley jacket. Fortunately the weather was nicer, so my pants didn't get soaking wet during the journey.

Knowing the approximate route made the ride go faster because I didn't always think the end was right around the corner. Even though I was out of shape, I was still able to ride at a fairly quick pace. I don't know where all the energy came from.

The advantage of being a second year rider is that I knew where the finish line was located. I placed about 25th. Fortunately, they had plenty of chili this year. I had two bowls of that and then went for beer. While waiting for people to roll in, I ended up drinking four Mongoose IPAs. My friend Kevin eventually rolled in sporting his jersey. I selected a cool Cadence t-shirt for my prize, which I had been eyeing for a while.

While waiting for the ferry, a few of us went to a coffee shop and I had a piece of coffee cake. I had a corn dog on the ferry back, in true .83 fashion. I eventually made it home–sore–and took a shower.

This year's FHR was great. They had plenty of chili, I got a cool prize because I didn't stop to drink a beer on the way, and the weather was amazing. Thanks to Derrickito for organizing, our sponsors for the great prizes, btah and Kalen for manning the finish line, and anyone else I'm forgetting. See you next year!

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